When my wife and I first started dating I had a really rough night. She was at a girlfriends house texting me throughout the evening when all of the sudden her text messages stopped. At first I thought it was no big deal but after an hour or so of no contact I had a head full of worries.
Is she okay? Did I do something wrong? Is she really with her girlfriend?
A healthy response would’ve been to tell myself that she’s having a wonderful time and will call me when she’s on her way home but that didn’t happen. When she called I told her that she had hurt me, that her lack of communication triggered my abandonment issues. I obviously didn’t have a healthy response.
Recently I was approached with a similar situation. My wife was out with a girlfriend having a much deserved girls night out and after a couple of hours of no contact I found myself once again with a head full worries.
Is she oaky? Did I do something wrong?
I’m proud to say that’s as far as I got. That’s because these days I have methods in place to help take care of myself.
Instead of going down the rabbit hole I text my mentor and shared what was going on. He reminded me to breath and encouraged me to say a prayer. I then picked up the phone and called a close friend.
The phone call got me out of my head and into reality and more importantly it grounded me so that I didn’t blame my wife for something that she wasn’t doing. I trusted my friend with my “inner crazy” and he said he could totally relate.
Instead of my worries derailing me like they did five years ago it took me just five minutes to get realigned and that’s because I took the right actions. That’s huge growth for me.
My life’s not unmanageable anymore. My triggers aren’t unmanageable anymore. And it’s because I’ve done the work.
I checked in with my mentor the next day and told him that I took care of myself by calling a friend. He was happy for me but he also wanted me to think about something.
He said think about the energy that I bring into my house when I make up stories like this. Think about the energy that I bring around my daughter. He also reminded me that I have a chance to do things differently today.
He’s right. I do have a chance to do things differently for my daughter. And it starts with me taking care of myself like I did the other night.
Zachary, The Conscious Father