I don’t really know how to ease into this one, so I’m not going to try.
Dating seems to be the theme lately. My last article was about it too. And I’ve got to be honest, when the experience I’m about to share happened, my brain was really loud which made it difficult to separate what was real from what was just a reaction.
So here goes:
About four months ago, I had a full-on physiological reaction... over a woman I had been on exactly one date with.
I hate admitting that, but it’s true.
We had a great date. One of those easy, natural ones where nothing felt forced. We talked, we laughed, we connected. There was curiosity there, presence, that subtle kind of energy you don’t have to question while it’s happening.
We kissed. We both said we wanted to see each other again. I told her I was free that weekend, which was rare for me, and she said she needed to figure out her schedule. “Maybe Sunday."
I said, “Cool, let me know.” And then…nothing.
I checked in that Friday, light and normal. She said she was still figuring things out. And then it was Sunday afternoon, and I hadn’t heard a word. Not a yes, not a no, not even a “hey, sorry.”
Just silence.
At first, I told myself I was just disappointed. That part made sense. But underneath that was something sharper. Irritation.
Because it wasn't just the lack of the second date. It was the lack of basic communication. We had literally talked about honesty on the date, and then the follow through was this?
Say something. Anything. Just don't say nothing. Nothing felt like I didn’t even register enough to warrant a sentence.
But here's the part that matters: this wasn't really about her.
This hit as hard as it did because it tapped directly into a pattern I know all too well. The women I get the most excited about are often the ones who are just out of reach in some way. Either they’re inconsistent, or unavailable, or just not that into me.
And the ones who are into me, the ones who show up clearly and consistently, I hesitate with. I overthink. I pull back. I start wondering if there’s something better around the corner. I did that this past summer with the girl I wrote about in my last article.
Sitting here in the present, I can see that moment more clearly. I can see myself on the other side of that dynamic, waiting on someone who couldn’t be bothered to send a text, and recognize how familiar that pattern actually is.
Call it karma or just call it a pattern playing itself out, but either way it forces me to look at my own side of the street. Because as easy as it is to point at her lack of communication, I’ve had my own versions of that. Maybe not ghosting, but emotional hesitation, inconsistency, and not fully choosing someone who was choosing me.
That’s a harder pill to swallow than just being annoyed at someone else.
So what do I do? Well, at some point I have to bring it back to what I can control.
Not her response. Not her communication.
Me.
Instead of asking why she didn't text, the better question is: did I like how that felt?
No.
I didn't like the anxiety. The uncertainty. How quickly I handed over my emotional state to someone I barely knew.
That part's on me.
Because this isn't just about the people I choose. It's about how I show up once I choose them. And if I'm being honest, I haven't always been as clear or as all-in as I expect someone else to be with me.
That's the pattern.
Uncertainty isn't connection. Not when it comes from them, and not when it's coming from me.
So the shift is simple, even if it's not easy: don't chase, don't force clarity, and don't ignore what's right in front of me.
Let actions speak. Let consistency matter. And just as much, I need to be that person too.
Because wanting something real means showing up in a real way. Not halfway. Not hedging. Not keeping one foot out the door in case something better comes along.
If I want clarity, I have to practice it. If I want consistency, I have to offer it.
And if something feels like "maybe", I need to be honest enough with myself to walk away rather than trying to turn it into something it's not.
I still want a partner. Someone real. Someone consistent. But that's not going to come from uncertainty. Mine or theirs.
It's going to come from choosing, and being willing to be chosen, without hesitation.
Even when that means letting silence be the answer.
Love,
Zak